like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
