in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
