forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
