I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
