This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
