A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize