The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
