margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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