I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
