i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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