I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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