sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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