Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
