Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize