our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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