ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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