You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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