I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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