Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Randomize
