Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
