cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
