im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
