Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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