Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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