it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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