just survived the first fart of the relationship.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
