another moral hangover. fuck.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
