just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
