Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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