Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize