the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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