But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
