Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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