dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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