She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's never too late to be topless.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
