Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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