What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
