I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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