We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
