So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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