So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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