i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
