I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
