Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize