I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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