and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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