the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
