Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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