peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
