Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Damn victory sex feels great
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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