Only a mothe r could love this liver
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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