Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
