The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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