On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
