Have you finally orgasmed yet?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
