dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
