I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He did a backflip because drugs
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