We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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