I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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