You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
