Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
