can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
