so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
