Quick, to the slutcave!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
