I wish my penis had an off switch
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
