What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize