K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish I only lived at night.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
