Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Drake has all the answers
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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