She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
