I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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