On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He? As in you personified your dick?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
