Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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