At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
