i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
