I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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