So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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