I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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