you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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