they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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