i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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