I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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