she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
