I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you win again, gameday.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize