How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
