I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Someone signed my nipple.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
