I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
