my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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