Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
