I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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