So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
