a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize