Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
