every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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