he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
