they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize