I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have aggressive nipples.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
