I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
