I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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