Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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