Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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