R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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