How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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